I am a nice person. I grew up believing that doing good to others would benefit me in the long run. Sure, there is even an old saying that if you treat others well, they will also treat you well. But as I mingle with different people, I noticed that it's not necessarily going to happen. Sometimes, my being nice even made me into a doormat. I'd become an under appreciated, sad, cynical, and resentful person because of that.
But then I realized, in order to change how people treat me, I should change myself first. By voicing out my thoughts and feelings more often, other people would know what I want. This is called assertiveness. It is not being egotistical. It is not being aggressive. It is simply putting your own needs equal to others' needs. Tell people what you want, also listen to what they want, then reach for a resolution.
Aggressive people tend to step on other people's toes by insisting on what they want. Passive people go with the flow and never speak for themselves. Assertive people are diplomatic people who listen to everyone's wants, including their own wants.
Unfortunately, not everyone is born with assertiveness. That is why there are those so-called assertiveness training. Knowing what you need first is first step to assertiveness.
Here are some highly-rated books that teach about assertiveness:
Stop assuming that people already know what you need. They don't know how you feel and think. By being assertive, you'll start to gain people's respect because they'll be more aware of your desires. You will be able to develop healthy relationships and become a happier person.
So yes, to be happier, you need to be assertive.
How about you, are you assertive?
4 comments:
I meet some people who lack assertiveness. They wouldn't voice out their thoughts, but they become very angry and bitter when their needs haven't been met. It's sort of a wake-up call to me. I saw how ugly it is to be resentful and I don't want to become like that. It's time to change and be more assertive!
I realized that we can't just expect others to know what we want. We have to tell them.
completely agree with you. I like your blog.
Mine blog is : www.lovensociety.blogspot.com
well very well said ...
its just like a wake up call for me because i am among the passive people's list.
I was never a doormat, but I used to avoid situations that would require me to put my foot down. Very escapist of me, I know. Now I put both my feet down when necessary :)
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